learners and leavers

Today marked the end of another academic year for the secondary school I'm chaplain to.

And they always let me be a part of the final celebrations. A formal sort of occasion, with speeches and prizes and opened and closed with a prayer. Which is part of the reason I'm invited along.

The Royal High School here in Edinburgh is the 18th oldest school in the world. Or so I'm told. Which means that there's more than a few excuses for being strong on the old 'tradition' side of things.

The Provost was in the chair today. He's a former pupil of the school. So 'the boy done good' as the grammar of the football academies seems to put it.

It isn't all that often that I meet a man with a necklace worth a million pounds slung round his neck. In fact, it's not all that often I meet a man with any sort of necklace round his neck at all, I suppose.

But a million pounds? I thought he was kidding when he told me it's value at first. But no, he said, that's what it's worth (and the Lady Provost's 'chain' around her neck is double the value, I learned).

All to do with the diamonds with which it's made. A mere 497 of them (not that I troubled to count - I took his word for it, having checked to see that there were certainly more than a few).

How do you measure a person's worth? A day like today, where the morning is spent at a ceremony such as this, raises questions like that all the time.

Is a person's worth to be measured by what they wear, by the wealth that they've acquired? Do you measure that worth by the prizes they win, the prowess they show in their learning, their sport or the sort of position they've gained in the life of the school?

When the 'leavers' all troop out at the end through the grand old memorial door, it's striking that by far the greatest number of them all have won no prize at all.

But all of them, across these five or six short years, have found among their peers a group of friends. That's how they're valued by those they know best. Just in terms of the persons they are.

For years on end, perhaps to an extent that's never quite the same in life again, they're with the same extended group of friends, incessantly.

Day after day after day. Learning with each other, talking and laughing and playing with one another. In the classroom. On the sports fields. Out on the town at night (at least in later years).

No wonder they grow so close. No wonder the bonds are rich and real. No wonder there are tears in their eyes on a day like today when these years at their school come to an end.

That's how they measure the value they place on each other, I guess. As friends.

Which got me thinking again about the way that Jesus gathered people round about him, just like this. For days and months and years on end. Doing everything together.

And he said, I call you friends.

They're described, of course, as disciples. Which means 'learners'. Which is not that very different from a school.

And I guess it was the friendship, just as much as anything they learned, that made this whole 'discipleship' so wonderful a thing in their experience. And why so many joined them.

Sitting there, for two hours on the trot, and watching all of this unfold before my eyes, I found myself reflecting that in many ways that's how and why we've got the thing all wrong.

We've subtly (and unconsciously, I guess) gone and turned the whole thing wholly upside down. We've made the heart and focus of discipleship the learning - not the fun of being together and the friendship that there is.

Another revolution is required. Turning the way we do things upside down.

Or, more to the point, turning them right way up.

A whole new form of 'monasticism' could be coming into vogue!

all of life

God's good news encompasses really every part of life.

I think we've sometimes forgotten that.

Today made me think about that again. The first long half of the morning I was back along at the school. The primary school.

For their P4-7 awards ceremony.

(I'd have gladly stayed as well for the second part of the thing which was the 'Leavers' Show' - but the school had said the whole thing would be over by 11am and I'd made an appointment to meet with someone else at 11.15. And the second part hadn't started when eleven o'clock came around.)

The awards included an 'Eco Award'. Which I got to introduce since it all related to the little competition that we'd run a month or so ago to see just how the children thought our grounds might best be used. Environmental responsibility.

It's an issue we have to care about. It's got to be part of the message we seek to proclaim. I mean, it's how the Bible starts.

My appointment at just after eleven was with a girl, a student still, who's spending all this summer as an intern for an organisation called International Justice Mission UK.

I've had a bit of contact with the organisation in the past. I know the chairman a bit from student days and he's been here before and spoken in our Sunday morning worship of his work.

I've a nephew as well who's worked for IJM this past while. And it was really through him that I got to meet this summer intern today. We were really exploring together the ways in which she might be able, through these summer months, to make the work of IJM a little better known.

Acts justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your God. The three main legs on which we build our life.

Justice, as well, has got to be part of the message we seek to proclaim. Not just justice as a theory. Not just the thing in principle. But the application of justice. The standing up to, and challenging, injustice.

Like Elijah did when he challenged the king in regard to the vineyard a guy called Naboth had. Before he got killed by the greedy king and his even more greedy wife.

Injustice. Elijah didn't simply stand up in his pulpit and denounce the king. He went to the man and challenged him face to face. A kind of 'hands-on' approach to the issue of justice.

That's what IJM is all about. And rightly so.

Taking care of the planet responsibly. Taking part in ensuring that righteousness somehow prevails. Across the world.

Well, the morning was gone in a flash!

And then there were all sorts of calls to be made. And received. Some of them quite lengthy and involved. But important. Talking through some complicated issues and just how they're best resolved in ways that further God's own purposes and build his people up.

Lunch was therefore late. I think my soup had been re-heated twice by the time I got to the table! But worth waiting for. And it set me up for the rest of the day.

Which was admin - a whole load of e-mails and letters to send that might have been done, in an ideal world, at the start of the day (but that was already gone!).

And a little bit of long-since overdue preparation for the services on Sunday. Getting orders of service prepared in outline form, and sent to those concerned.

And at night I was out 'on the road' again as well. Calling on folk in their homes. And chatting things through, issues that needed discussed.

And finally back to the office here, to e-mail a person at length and to offer him thus some guidance, advice and support. Commending a passage of Scripture to him. Showing him why I thought it applied to his case. And suggesting some ways for the man to proceed.

God's message relates to the whole of our lives. To all of our world.

We need to get that message out!

perspective

The round of end-of-term school activities moved up a gear today.

The Primary 1s to 3s were along for their service today. The children from Nursery too. And parents and family and more or less anyone else that cared to come as well.

The service begins at half past nine. But folk are arriving a long time before it begins. So I have to be ready for that. Music on. A powerpoint loop with pictures of all of the children.

Which meant a fairly early start to get it up and running all in time. I'd only received the memory sticks from the teachers with all of the photos on late on last night. And I then had to transfer the photos and create a whole new powerpoint file.

There were, literally, hundreds of photos!

So, an early start and a lengthy burst of action in order that the thing was up and ready when the parents started coming here and sitting in the church. It makes a great welcome for them all - the music and the photos on the loop. Worth all the effort.

And the service itself is always great. The children are that enthusiastic. And they haven't lost their sense of wonder and amazement and delight in all there is around them in the world.

The Head and his assistant came in for a cup or two of coffee after that. And it's always good to have the chance to chat a bit like that.

In among it all I think I even sowed the seed that maybe all his staff might use our halls and premises here for an in-service training day (sounds like Denzel Washington!). He really likes it here. Everyone's always so cheerful, he said.

Which they are. At least in the main. We like it to be a good place for people to come. A place that kind of lifts the spirits a bit and breathes a certain peace.

They weren't long gone before the midweek lunchtime service was upon me once again. The last for a while, this week. A rousing, climactic conclusion with Psalm 150.

It's been great, taking the time throughout these past few months to work through some of the psalms. The ups and downs of life. And today just pure and unadulterated praise as being the hallmark of our lives.

At least when our perspective isn't skewed.

But that's often the problem. We don't always see things straight. We get knocked off our stride and our vision gets blurred. And it's not always all that easy to get things in perspective quite like that.

I was out in the afternoon to see a couple whose world, I suppose, is rapidly caving in. The woman has had cancer for some years. And now it's all flared up. Just in the last two months or so.

But it's quick and severe and I don't think she's long to live.

They wanted to talk things through with me. The funeral, I mean. Which we did.

It's not always easy, that sort of thing, but we managed it fine, and I think they were happy they'd taken the chance to work the whole thing through.

But in a way the thing was reciprocal too. There were things I wanted to talk through with them as well. The issues of life and death. Relationship with God. That sort of thing.

I'd hardly be honouring my calling by simply saying nothing at a time like that. And yet, as well, I'm always really conscious that a pretty heavy-handed sort of thing is almost even worse.

'Preaching' at a time like that is really quite insensitive. Or so it seems to me. I mean, I have a captive congregation, that's for sure. But to try and take advantage of the time by hammering home the gospel in a 'preachy' sort of way is hardly that reflective of the way God is.

So I read a bit of Scripture and I talked the whole thing through with them.

The sort of life she'd lived, the values she'd espoused. And why there would be gratitude within the hearts of many, many folk for who she'd been and all she'd done in life.

And why, and how, behind it all there needs to be, especially at times like this, a simple, trusting confidence in God. The one who gives us life: and the one who alone can restore us to life when death has done its worst.

Getting things into perspective. The way things really are.

And then we joined in prayer and I kissed the woman goodbye. God be wi' ye. A tangible token of the love and the care of God and his being there for her. As if to say, just take the hand he's offered you and trust him through the days that are to come.

I must have been there an hour and a half at least, I guess. People need time.

And the thing that's always impressive when I think about the way that Jesus was is simply that - he gave people time. I know he preached to the crowds and he fed them truth.

But he also engaged with loads of individual people. And he gave them time.

There isn't any substitute for that.

Time.

Well, I spent a fair amount of time out at Kirkliston in the evening after that. Crowds of individuals all at once. Called 'meetings'. Two of them. Starting at half past six and going right on through to nearly 10pm (I'm only just back).

Trying to give them the lead that they need in taking things forward with all of the practical issues that must be addressed. I think we made some progress.

By the end of the day I'm tired.

And tiredness distorts our perspective, I guess, as much as anything else.

Praise God for his acts of power, the psalmist said.

Which I'm consciously seeking to do in this way at the end of another day. God gets involved in our world. And engaging in our lives like that, he acts in power. Things happen.

Things have happened today. Lives are being changed. Hearts are being touched. The world is not quite the same any more.

I must remember that. And praise God for these acts of power today.

That's the perspective I need.

head above the parapet

I'm not long back from a meeting tonight.

A meeting of the Edinburgh 'Eco-congregation Network'. Or something like that.

I shouldn't really have been there. Well, there was no reason why I shouldn't have been, except that I should really have been at a meeting in another part of town. But I skipped that latter one (even though it should technically have been my first priority) and went to this instead.

It's about the way we seek to be 'environmentally friendly'. As congregations.

I was glad I'd gone. I think the issue's really pretty crucial. And it's good to learn from others who are feeling much the same.

But I wasn't really sure just what I should expect. So I'd basically resolved that I wouldn't speak unless I was specifically asked. I mean, this was my first time at one of these meetings. The new kid on the block, as it were.

Towards the end I got asked to speak. Nothing rehearsed or anything really like that. But I said my bit.

I said I thought that most of the time we're really only tinkering with the thing. Footering around on the edges of it all. Not getting to grips with the issue at all. Not in any real and significant way.

Environmentally friendly, perhaps, but not yet environmentally responsible.

I said I thought we had to shift the thing from being somehow peripheral to being entirely central to our lives as followers of Christ. That we had to shift our whole approach and make it far more truly radical. That we had to give a lead and recognise that that would be a fairly sacrificial thing.

And I said what I was thinking I would try and do myself to make it happen here.

Maybe I stuck my neck out a bit. I hope it didn't sound too negative, though I did insist that in so many ways our attitudes and values here were thoroughly disgraceful. In the proper, theological sense of the word. As in, the contradiction of grace.

It wasn't really meant to be all negative. Anything but. There's loads that's positive going on.

It's just these other folk all seemed to be simply toiling away but were stuck pretty much on the edges of congregational life.

Somehow we need to shift the whole thing from the periphery to the centre. At least, that's the way I see it. We need to take a lead in this whole area. Stand up, stand out and stick our heads above the parapet. And get down to our actually doing it all together.

It seems to have been a bit of a day of these meetings!

But that's how change is effected, I guess. Meeting with people, engaging with people and talking such matters through.

Not that these other meetings I had were all on this single theme. Not at all.

One was about a wedding coming up. And explaining the sound system here in the church to the folk who'll be using the thing. Good folk, very much involved where they both are, in making Jesus known. It was good to have time with them.

There's a guy coming here in a few weeks' time to lead our worship here. I was meeting him today as well.

He wanted to familiarise himself with how the service went and what the place was like and how the whole thing worked and where the congregation's at. That sort of thing.

I had lunch with him. And with Douglas as well, it being a Tuesday (Douglas had come in a bit in advance, so the two of us had some time together first - meeting and talking and working things through).

It was good to have time with the two of them. And then I showed this other man (David is his name) around the buildings here and helped I think to put his mind at rest.

He's a student at College, training there to be in the fulness of time a 'minister'. A mature student, who sensed with his wife the call of God to embark upon this avenue of service as he seeks to follow the Lord.

A good man. Juggling all sorts of different facets of his life around and trying to keep his head above the water.

Family life with two young growing children doesn't always match that well the life of the student world: and I don't really mean at all by that the life of a teenage student (as commonly portrayed!) - I mean the demands that there in terms of the studies a student's required to do.

He's doing his 'juggling' well that way. It was good to meet the guy.

And I've been doing my 'juggling' through today as well.

I thought I'd get ahead a bit (since tomorrow and Thursday are pretty much spoken for already) and prepare the prayer for the time at the secondary school on Friday morning.

That's one of the hardest things I have to do in the course of every year (which may sound strange). It's hard to know just how to pitch the thing and what should be included and just how it should shape up.

I mean, there are pupils there, some of whom are there because they do not have the choice. There are prize-winners there, and pupils now leaving the school. There are families and friends of leavers and winners. And teachers and staff. And former pupils, distinguished guests, and who knows how many other different 'interest groups'.

So it always takes time to think it all through and prepare the prayer for then. I got that done this afternoon.

Which keeps my head above water. At least in that regard.

But, like I said at the start, it's not just above the water that I need to get my head. I think, in regard to things like the environment, it's way above the parapet I need to get my head.

Taking a lead. Standing out, head and shoulders above the crowd.

Which will make me an easy target, I know.

But someone somewhere's got to take a lead in this and not just footer about round the fringes of it all.

And if no-one else will do it, then, however much it'll be a kind of stumbling, faltering effort on my part, I'll risk my neck.

Sisyphus

It's easy to think at the start of a week that there's loads of time before next Sunday comes.

But the last week of school in the summer term completely contradicts such lines of thought. I long since learned the hard way that if I don't get right ahead in the first two days of the week I'm really up against it from then on.

It's a festival, special time, I suppose. Like the local Children's Gala here on Saturday. Crowds of people out and sharing in the varied celebrations.

The day was great and the place was mobbed.

And this whole week's the same. Great. But mobbed out with all sorts of different things.

Wednesday morning's pretty taken up with the first four years of the Primary School and their service here at the church. Thursday morning's much the same, except the venue's reversed and I'm along there for the Upper School's final assembly and Award Ceremony. And Friday morning's a longer thing still with the Secondary School's Commemoration Day and Prizegiving Ceremony.

I'm not back from that 'til nearer 1pm.

And, of course, for each of these occasions there is preparation to be done. On top of everything else. And less time than ever to do it!

So you get the picture.

I have to hit the ground running or I don't really stand a chance. I'm just chasing my tail the whole week through.

Anyway, I long since learned the way that this week works.

So I was in good and sharp and hard at the tasks that needed addressing and done.

All these different services. Orders of services, powerpoint talks, the prayers for the Friday event, and praise to be chosen, not just for the Sunday services, but Wednesday lunchtime too.

And all sorts of e-mails I needed to write. And people to visit, a list that just seems to grow as every day goes by - and that despite my getting out and seeing folk and spending time with them.

Sometimes it starts to feel a bit like Sisyphus must have felt. I can't remember exactly what he'd done that was wrong, but whatever it was (a catalogue of things, I think), he was the king whose punishment saw him rolling a huge big boulder up a hill only when he reached the top to have the boulder roll back down again and he had to start again. And again. And again. For ever.

Presumably he's still at it (according to the story). Poor guy.

You'd have thought he'd have wised up to what was going on and found a way to break the dreadful cycle which went on and on and on.

Like going on strike. Or using ropes. Or .. I don't know, finding some good way to break the mould. Or at least smash the boulder to little bits.

Today I guess it's called the rat-race. And none of us are immune.

In fact I think that much of our western society has got the Sisyphus bug. Or fallen for the Sisyphus con.

Carting all our baggage like some massive, weighty boulder, up the mountainside to somehow try and make it to the top. And finding, snakes-and-ladders-like, we just come tumbling straight back down again. And again.

I don't want to live my life like that. But I sometimes think the Christian church - I mean the institution - too often lives like that.

The boulder is the baggage of a centuries-old tradition which gets bigger with each passing generation of the thing. Our energy and time is too much spent, I guess, in trying to roll this whole amazing baggage up the hill and keep the old show going as it were.

I think the church is simply full of 'boulder-rollers'. People who've gladly got involved. And then find the whole thing becomes a dreadful, weekly (daily even) sort of bind. So many things to do. And even when you do them all there's always more to do.

The Sisyphus club. Who wants to join it?! Yeah, OK, silly question!

Anyway, that's a long way of saying there are occupational hazards in my line of daily work. And I'm more than a little aware of them.

I've absolutely no desire to be another 'boulder-roller'. No matter what others expect me or want me to do.

Jesus wants us bolder, sure. I don't have problems with that. And he wants us to be on a roll, I don't doubt that. That sort of bolder roller 's fine.

And I'm learning to live like that. Which is fun.

We met again as the 'famous five' at night. The two couples whom I meet with on a fairly regular basis, to work through the Bible and to join with each other in prayer.

We're working through the book of Genesis just now. Chapter 9 tonight again (we did the first part of the chapter the last time we met). Noah invoking a curse upon his son (well, really more upon his grandson, for reasons best known to himself).

Not easy stuff. But it gave us more than enough to toss around. Not least in being able to see that by our prayers we can indeed, in amazing ways, shape a people's destiny and change the world for good.

Not like Sisyphus. Where nothing ever changes.

tagging along

One of the fellowship groups here had a barbecue on tonight. To which I was kindly invited.

It was a lovely, relaxed and 'chilling-out' sort of time (outside it did actually get quite chilly as well after a while, so most of us went inside). And great to sit and chat a bit with different folk.

Through the course of the evening two separate individuals, entirely independent of each other, quizzed me along similar lines.

One of them asked me what it was like being a minister. The other one asked me what I would do when I retired. Or if I could have lived another life as well, she said, what would I like to have done.

Well, I don't really think of myself as 'a minister'. I'm a bit of a rebel at heart. And always have been. So I do what I do. And if people call that being a minister, that's fine by me. But it's not how I think of myself.

I think of myself as someone who's following Jesus. And I love doing that.

The guy is so creative and he dreams up things that really are amazing and he changes people's lot in life remarkably and he makes the world a hugely better place.

Present tense, please note. The guy is not some figure from a history book enticing me into a world that no longer exists. He's here and now.

And I think I love the way he isn't really bothered by the sort of expectations that so many people have about what good, religious leaders should be like.

He just goes around doing good. Helping and healing; challenging, changing and charging right into the fray of the issues we face in our world of today.

I love the guy! And I think it's great he lets a mixed-up-kid like me just tag along and share it all with him.

So, in a way, the 'what-will-you-do-when-you-retire' sort of question doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I mean, there'll come a day when I have to stop this 'being-a-parish-minister' thing, but that's not really what I do!

What I do is simply tag along with Jesus in the things that he is doing day by day. And I don't have plans, or any real desire, to stop doing that.

The way that a day like today pans out is really just one further illustration of how that all works out. My tagging along with Jesus, as it were.

He's planning on being with us all here on Sunday. I'm excited by that!

Because I sense he has things that he's wanting to say. And these things that he's wanting to say will be life-changing, challenging things.

So a bit of today's been spent kind of sitting around with the guy. Talking the whole thing through with him and figuring out what he's meaning and wanting to say.

That's what I mean by 'tagging along with him'. Sometimes it's just this sort of 'hanging out' with the guy. Listening in and teasing the whole thing out from him.

He knows who'll be there. That's the remarkable thing. And he knows what they'll need to hear. So he works it through and once I've got it clear he sort of says, 'OK. Let's go hit the place and do it now!'

If that's not a great way to live, I don't really know what is!

But it's not all a case of just sitting around like that. The guy is on his feet and on the move and on the streets.

And tagging along with him is as often as not a heart-in-the-stomach, take-a-deep-breath adventure of crossing the frontiers and engaging with people in need. Of one sort or another. And sometimes they don't even know they have a need.

Like this afternoon. I was out and about and calling on different homes.

One of the homes that I called on, I'd never been before. And they weren't really even expecting me.

But the lady, I think, is terminally ill and her brother-in-law had phoned to ask if I'd maybe find time to go round. I never know what I'm going to, or what I'm going to find.

I wasn't invited in. I think the lady's husband felt that since he hadn't aired the thing with her, my calling by would feel to her like the last rites were being given to her. A none-too-subtle statement on her state of health. Or lack of it.

That's the down-side of being simply 'the minister'. There's baggage that goes with the role. The baggage of religion.

When all that was really happening was that Jesus was ringing the bell of the home. Knocking on their door. And saying, like, "I'm here if you need me and glad to help".

But he doesn't go barging in. And neither did I. He's not in any hurry: he'll bide his time. But he's been there at their door. And he'll be back. And for me, it's just a case of tagging along with him.

Here, there and everywhere.

And watching a master at work.

saying 'No'

The week is running away from me!

But that's how it always seems to be, this time of year.

And I've learned to sort of pace myself accordingly.

Which sometimes means my simply saying 'No' to things.

That goes against the grain for me. But it's simply bringing realism to bear upon my life. I can't (and therefore won't attempt) to do just everything. I have to always prioritise. I have to figure out just who I'm going to see and what I'm going to do and how my time is spent. Because I simply can't do everything. I reckon even Jesus had to leave some people pretty disappointed by the choices that he made about his use of time.

There were things to do, first off, in consequence of the meeting that I had last night out at Kirkliston, for instance. Stuff to be scanned, files to be created, e-mails with attachments to be sent to all the members of the Nominating Committee out there.

It's a whole load easier, certainly, than doing it all by post. E-mail has advantages and makes for good communication. But it still takes time.

I was eager, as well, to get down to some further preparation for the services this coming Sunday. With an afternoon service on top of the usual two, there's all the more to be done in this regard. And I don't like being rushed!

I was pleased with the progress I made in that regard.

There were things to be done up town today as well. And that takes time! The traffic there is usually desperately slow. I generally walk up town, or get the bus. And though I took the car today, I think I might have been about as quick to go on foot!

Not that I mind being stuck in a car. It's always good for 'thinking time', for a bit of fresh reflection.

There was a meeting at night. The folk who head up the music here. We were meeting to chat things through a bit. Not a formal agenda as such. More a case of simply touching base.

I think the thing that struck me was how messy life can be.

I had a nice clean sheet for each of them with Sunday morning's service all set down. By the end of our time the sheet was a mess, a tangle of scribbled changes that we'd made. A picture, I thought, of the progress of God's work here.

One of the guys spilled his coffee all over the floor. One of the girls left her keys and her bag in the room, so I had to go back later on and let her in. Another little picture of the way it is.

Things are often messy in the progress of a work of God. (Including, as often as not, my desk). I have to learn to live with that.

There's always far, far more I'd want to do than really can be done. I have to learn to live with that as well. I don't get to tie up all the loose ends.

It isn't a tidy sitting room, the work of God. More like a factory floor.

responsibility

The theme for the month along at the local school through June is 'responsibility'.

The Head was speaking about it again at the P4-7 assembly. He uses powerpoint sparingly. As in not every week by any means. And not very much when he does.

This week he had just one simple slide. which looked something like this

RESPONSIBILITY

RESPONSE - ABILITY

That was it. Effective.

That was what he spoke about. Being able to respond appropriately to people and to situations that we faced.

It's stuck with me throughout the day. Not least, I suppose, because there are so many different people and so many different things to which I'm having to respond.

And I was challenged to think through just how I do respond. Whether it's appropriate or not.

There have been people to see. A couple in the morning who were in to talk through how they went about identifying themsleves with us. In a formal sort of way.

The answer to that can be given in just a minute or two.

A rapid response that would have been. But not necessarily all that really responsible.

In fact it was nearer an hour, I suppose, we shared with one another. Giving folk time is part of responding appropriately. Being able and willing to give them that time is perhaps quite a part of our learning responsibility.

Being rushed with folk is maybe not responsible.

Then there was the midweek lunchtime service. Which grew, I suppose, as we figured that this was a way to respond to the needs of some folk.

We used our eyes and thought about it all, observing all the patterns of behaviour that there were and figuring out just what those patterns meant.

Being able to respond appropriately involves, I guess, the patience to reflect on what is going on. Observing and assessing and concluding in the end how best a situation may be helped.

There's been that sort of process in some other ways as well.

Problems sometimes come. Certain situations where it's hard to see what's going on without becoming angry. And yet those situations are not helped by my responding angrily at all.

'Revenge', in any shape or form, will rarely be a useful or appropriate response.

Sometimes I simply have to walk away and take some time to work the whole thing through and cultivate a reconciling attitude instead.

I did sort of 'walk away' this afternoon. To the hospital. An entirely different setting. It helps put things in perspective to meet people really quite ill.

It was Sheila again I was in to see. But it ended up being a visit to all of the ward. All the other ladies soon joined in.

A fair amount of banter started up. Some laughter.

But also some serious stuff as well. One of the ladies had been pretty near to death's door it transpired. The laughter, I think, was expressive of her relief.

And Sheila's, too. For she's so much improved and spoke about her going home next week perhaps.

I prayed with them all at the end and remembered them all by name before the Lord.

Thank you so much, 'Your worshipful', one said. I'll call you that since I don't know your name.

Just call me Jerry, I replied, always somewhat wary of a title like 'Your worshipful'. It smacked of things I thought I'd best avoid.

Later I thought it was actually quite a compliment. Describing me as someone full of worship. But I was away by then. Sometimes I think of a telling response too late!

I was thinking, though, about this whole 'response-ability'. I'd gone there to see simply Sheila. And found a situation which was different from the one that I'd envisaged. Did I stick with my pre-planned approach? Or adapt and adjust?

Response-ability is a kind of chameleon thing, I guess. Adapting, or responding, to the 'colours' of the environment around. Rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep.

And praying for them all.

I got back home to a letter that someone had written. Anonymously. Mainly because of the things that were being said. 'Criticism' would be a loose generalisation for its content.

Letters like that really irk me, I have to say. Partly because they're anonymous and reflect the fact the writer was afraid to say it openly - afraid, I guess, of how I might react. As if I were some monster.

How to respond appropriately? Well, I wanted to respond, of course. Which is difficult when the letter is anonymous. But I've learned to take a very simple line with things like this.

If someone won't sign then I won't read.

Period.

Life's too short to get myself all twisted up in knots by things like that.

I'd always rather folk would simply speak more face to face. Hiding how we feel does no one any good. And letting it out anonymously like that is really little better. The thing can't really be addressed at all.

Kirkliston was my venue for the evening. A meeting with the folk who've been elected there to seek to find the person who will be their new minister.

The meeting was long, but I think it was good.

I'm 'responsible' for helping them through this time when they don't have a minister and I wanted to encourage them all from the start.

So I started our time with a reading from Scripture and spoke about how I thought it applied to them. That this was a vital time, a turning point in their own story there. And how these folk were tasked, like Samuel was of old, to find the person God was raising up to be their leader in the days ahead.

An anointed leader and remarkable days of blessing, expansion and growth.

Being able to respond to their scenario, their minister newly gone, that sort of thing - being able to respond in ways appropriate involves them in receving from the Lord his word for them.

Listening for that word which God is speaking in their midst and to their hearts.

And responding to him and his word.

That's real response-ability, I guess.

relationship

There were more folk out at the funeral service today than I'd thought there'd be.

Eight more people, to be exact. Five folk from the neighbourhood, hardly 'friends' as such, more neighbours who were good enough to pay their last respects.

And three of the team from the surgery. Next door to us at our halls. I was really touched by that and found the whole occasion very moving in some ways.

The crematorium attendant came up to me afterwards and said what a good, clear voice I had. It's nice to be able to hear what's being said for a change! he remarked.

Which at least was re-assuring. Rule number one for anyone speaking at all is always this: if you've got really anything worthwhile to say, at least make sure it's audible.

Pretty obvious, you'd have thought.

The girls from the local surgery were briefer in the comment that they made. You got him to a T, they said. Which, again, in its way, was very re-assuring.

It was great seeing them there, I have to say. The fact that they'd taken the time and gone to the trouble of trailing the whole way across town, simply to be there, the three of them - it was really very striking.

It helped cement yet further, I think, the sort of bonds we have with them. Relationships built up across the years. And it's always in the context of relationship that Jesus gets to be real for folk.

Because there were so few folk there I was able to speak quite personally, both to them and about them. I think that's maybe what ensured it was so moving for them all. The three from the surgery here were all visibly upset.

I had lunch later once again with Douglas on my return. And he was talking of the difference that there is between the folk who know relationship with Jesus and those for whom the whole thing's just a sort of 'system' of belief.

The contrast, I guess, between relationship and religion. And it struck me again that the whole of our life as followers of Jesus Christ should afford the room for just such relationships to grow and to thrive.

Which isn't always true of that which passes for 'the church'. Too often in the past the life of the church has gone on in a way that doesn't really make for relationships much at all.

Services of worship can be a classic case in point. They're meant to be about relationship. With God, of course, primarily. But relationship with him and also with each other.

And often neither how the time is structured, nor, indeed, the furniture itself, allows at all for anything remotely resembling relationship.

Most of the folk that I meet today simply don't get it. And I don't suppose God does either!

At night I went to call again on the woman whose 'partner' had died just three weeks back: the funeral had been last week. And it crossed my mind again that 'church' just doesn't register with her. And 'church', as such, I don't think ever will.

But the Lord ... Well, that's a different matter! There's a deep, deep void in her heart and life just now. Obviously. But I think there's been that void throughout. The God-shaped void in all our hearts. And it's him I'm praying she'll know.

I've no great wish that this woman start coming to church. Which maybe sounds dreadful for someone in my position. But it's true. I don't.

That wouldn't, I think, solve anything. In itself, it wouldn't really meet the needs of her heart at all. It might even get in the way.

But getting a feel for Jesus. Having a sense of his presence. Somehow encountering him. That's what I long she may know.

And that won't really happen by a set of skilful sermons (not even by my preaching in her home). It's not an intellectual thing. It's in the end emphatically relational.

And that takes time. Always.

Which is what the girls from the surgery had given this man who died.

making time

The last two weeks of June are always really busy.

I've been here long enough now to know that. There are all sorts of things at the school, with end of year dances and concerts and services - just about end-of-year everything. And all sorts of loose ends which need tieing up in the church.

Then there are things going on in the village. Like the local Children's Gala Day this coming Saturday.

And our own 'communion Sunday' coming up, with another extra service in the afternoon.

Planning is important and I try to be prepared. Like getting ahead as much as I can today, doing some initial preparation for the services this coming Sunday. Getting the groundwork done.

Way back, too, I'd also taken steps to ease the 'log-jam' pressure that there is by asking one of our 'fellowship groups' to organise the Sunday evening service. I mean, I'll do the preaching and lead them through the sacrament: but they were prepared to plan how the service might run, what shape it should have. That sort of thing.

Mind you, I think they maybe felt that they had bitten off a bit too much. Planning a thing like that with a whole group of people who all have their own great ideas - well, it can sometimes start your head spinning.

But I'd left it to them and they've got it all in hand, I think, which is great. It eases the pressure on me quite a bit, that's for sure.

The pressure of time is something most folk feel. At least in our helter-skelter world where everything happens so fast. So it sometimes takes an effort just to stop and sit and meet with folk.

We made the effort today. The Reception Area team. Well, most of us. Rosaly wasn't there, but the rest of us managed along. For all of the team, I recognise it was a sacrifice of time. When most, maybe all could probably ill afford the time they gave.

But it's good and important to stop like that and to make and to take the time that it needs to discuss and address all the issues there are: and to see what the Lord has been doing down the months.

We met over lunch at the halls and were able to work through a range of different matters which required to be addressed.

For something like 46 weeks of the year or more these folk provide a wonderful menu for lunch. And the teas and coffees as well, of course. And all done entirely voluntarily. I think they're really wonderful and it's not just what they do, but who they are and how they go about the different chores that all need done.

It's humbling to work alongside such folk. And to know their support and their help.

In fact, I was thinking today how many different folk there are around me here who give of their time and their strength in a multitude of different ways. Very humbling indeed. It makes me see how amazingly good God is. To surround me with people who share the same vision and seek the same ends and gladly are serving the Lord.

And, like I say, it's good to stop and have the chance to talk things through with them. As we did today.

It was good, as well, to have the chance at night to meet with the folk in the kind of embryonic 'fellowship group' there is. Again, it's a case of the time being made and taken.

Talking through their work-life situations and the way the Lord works there. And trying to get our heads around the notion of the 'covenant'. All good stuff!

And it felt like there was progress being made. A growing understanding of the way the message of the Bible holds together: and just what this guy Jesus was accomplishing.

He was never too busy!

daily decathlons

Most of my days are fairly multi-coloured.

In other words, it's rare for me to have a day that's focussed on a single task. Usually it's a mix. And today was the same.

A fair amount of basic 'admin' stuff.

Maybe ten or fifteen letters to be written. And that's before the waterfall of e-mails that there always are.

Thirteen separate booklets (each of twenty pages) to be made up for the folk out at Kirkliston (they elect their 'Nominating Committee' this Sunday and the 13 people comprising that committee will all need a guide as to what they're to do and how to conduct themselves).

Different people called in at the halls at different times as well. Which meant chat - and some coffee as well, in some of the cases.

I had to pop over to see to some things across at my Mum's flat. A bit of fresh air, I suppose, if nothing else!

And in between there were bits of preparation to be done. The services this Sunday and the young folks' group at night.

And out in the afternoon to see some other people in their homes.

Sometimes I think about all of the things that I do and contrast it with what the writer in the Bible once declared - One thing I do... And I think, that's hardly me!

One thing? It's more like a daily decathlon, my life. A range of different challenges, a range of different contexts for my spiritual athleticism to be shown.

But it is, nonetheless, 'one thing' that through it all I'm doing, I suppose.

I'm seeking to make Jesus known. I'm seeking to share with the Lord in bringing and building the kingdom of God.

An artist has a single aim in mind. But he uses many colours to produce his work of art.

I think that's how I like to see, and live, my multi-coloured days.