privilege, not pressure

Friday already.

Most working folk tend to think more in terms of it being Friday at last. The weekend approaching, time off work. Great.

But Fridays don't do that for me.

I'm thinking, it's Friday already, and Sunday's coming fast. Where on earth has the week all gone?

I've been seeing that many folk this week, and doing so many things, that there's not been much time for preparing the message the Lord wants to bring on Sunday.

So today's been largely set aside for that.

No one around. In the main. Which means there's time and space - quiet and uninterrupted time - to listen to the Lord.

You can't really do that at speed. And you can't really do that too well when there's loads of different people all around.

And the people here - myself included - we're always really eager to be hearing what the Lord is saying to us. They come expectant, every Sunday service.

Expecting God to speak.

No pressure!

Well, not really. I can't make God speak myself. But I can get in the way of him speaking, I guess. By not listening well enough myself.

So that's what today's been about. Listening hard and long to hear the voice of God.

Pressure?

No, not pressure, but privilege.

a wide door

There's only so much you can do in a day.

Which means there are always choices to be made. I simply can't do everything I'd like to do - or all the things that other folk might think that I should do.

We all only get the 24 hours a day. And some of them go on sleep. (Albeit not enough!)

A year and a half ago I got the sense that the Lord really wanted to ratchet up a bit my time in the local school. That that should be a real priority.

So the likes of today there've been four different sets of involvement along at the school. Which occupied all of my time 'til mid-afternoon.

The assembly as usual to start with. P4-7. The theme, or the value for the month - imagination.

The head was sharing the dreams that he has for the school. It was good and riveting stuff. Not quite in the MLK, I-have-a-dream sort of league, but not far off.

It's good to share our dreams. And it made me ask myself if I could put in words the dreams I have myself. The dreams that God has given me.

For my life. For the work I'm called to do. For the chance that I have to be in at the school like this.

Well, that was the assembly. And right after that I had a meeting here to prepare for a morning we're going to be having with the children of Primary 7.

In about a couple of weeks.

It's a 90 minute session where the children will come to our halls. And we'll have the chance to lead them through an inter-active programme which will help them all appreciate what Christmas is about.

It's a programme prepared by Scripture Union and one of their es-team (Edinburgh Schools Team) workers was along to lead us through it all.

When I say 'us', there'll be about seven of us here who'll share in leading the morning. There are 77 children in all (I think) in the Primary 7 classes, so we need that amount of leaders. All of them really great with children.

It's a great opportunity - and it's wonderful that the school is more than happy for this sort of thing to be done. I guess it helps the teachers too. At that time of year not least.

And then after that there was the SU group along at the school again.

We started with them on Christmas today. We don't get long each Thursday. Half an hour at most.

So we figured we'd need a good few weeks to run over the Christmas story and we'd need to be starting today.

They're a good bunch of children and always so full of enthusiasm. It's great to see!

From there it was straight on into the first of a series of four different sessions I'll have with the Primary 6s. Working through with them, as part of the given curriculum, the life of Jesus.

I'd done it last year with the Primary 6s, and they wanted me back.

The Primary 6s are last year's Primary 5, of course. So I know them well, as I'd had the chance to work through with them all last year a 5-part course on Christianity.

They're a terrific year. Really lovely children. Well behaved, courteous, interested, keen. It's a pleasure to teach them all.

So today was the first of the four with them. On the birth of Jesus. Appropriately enough, with Christmas now looming large.

It's really most exciting having the chance to work through with them all just who this person was and is and why it is he's really revolutionised so many people's lives.

I have my dreams for what these times will lead to in their lives as well!

But all of that meant it was really 3pm before I was back and ready for anything else. One and a half parts of a three-part day were centred on the school.

That's what I mean by the choices I have to make. That's one and a half parts of a day when I might have been doing other things. Because there are loads of things to be done.

One of the early followers of Jesus once wrote that "a wide door for effective service has opened for me": and that's pretty much what it feels like for me with the school.

When you find a door being opened wide, I work on the basis you walk. You seize that opportunity and walk on in.

Because I guess the Lord himself has his dreams for all that may be accomplished by my walking right on in and being there at the school.

long walk to freedom

There was a meeting this evening out at Kirkliston.

I walked. It's only a distance of 7 or 8 miles and I figured the walk would do me good.

A bit of exercise, and a chance to think.

In between jumping off the road as cars came whizzing by. It's a country road with nothing by way of pavements. And the darkness didn't help.

Of course, it meant a long walk back as well, but the night was dry and the wind was behind my back going back.

In days gone by those were the sort of distances people walked to share in worship week by week. It crossed my mind that there wouldn't be many today who'd think of doing that.

Something's been lost. And whether it's commitment, stamina, or simply a whole perspective, I really don't know. But something's been lost for sure.

The walk back from Kirkliston was a picture of the journey that I'm on. Or so it seemed.

Because much of my time through today has been spent on addressing the challenges change always brings. The journey that we're on.

Kirkliston represents in many ways an older way of life. The pace of life is slower, the bonds between the people often stretching back who knows how many years.

It's more rural than urban. And the values that they have are firmly held.

The people there are looking for fresh leadership. A pastor who will hold them all together and yet will take them on to learn what being church will have to be in decades still to come.

And the walk back from the country to the city was a picture, as I say, of what that journey will be like. For them, as for ourselves.

It's a long walk, fraught with many a danger. Most of the time I'm walking in the dark. And it's a long, long slog. But there's no turning back.

We're somewhere down that road ourselves these days.

Walking back home, effectively - because much of the challenge we have today involves returning to where it all began. The first remarkable followers of Jesus Christ. How they did church.

And walking twards the future, of course, as well. Because that's where the future lies.

Church without buildings.

Church that's no longer defined in terms of buildings (the 'church'), event ('church', as in the service of worship) and day (Sunday, which means for so many ... well, 'church').

Church that's defined in terms of people, relationships, life.

It's a long walk.

Half the time it's totally in the dark. And because there aren't the neat little concrete pavements it's a walk that's full of hazards all the time.

We're constantly having to take avoiding action. Facing new problems whose headlights come round the corner and come bearing down on us at a dreadful speed.

It wasn't long before I was starting to think - 'I should really have taken the bus.'

'Or asked for a lift.'

'Or simply have stayed the night.'

Staying put seems a somewhat easier option. The long walk home is a challenging thing.

But staying put is actually not an option for any genuine follower of Jesus. Not at all.

He said 'Follow me.' Follow. As in up-on-your-feet-and-move sort of thing.

Which is what we're trying to do here. Feeling our way in the dark half the time.

But slowly, I hope, getting there.

There are some small encouragements along the way.

A man came up to me after the lunchtime service to thank me for the message that I'd brought. It had plainly touched his life and spoken to his needs. He wanted me to know.

Another man sent an e-mail in to let me know how problems he'd been facing at his work had been remarkably resolved. In answer to specific prayer.

"My life has just been transformed by the Lord," he wrote.

It was a long and painful process for the man. But it's now been finally resolved.

A picture, too, of just the sort of process we're going through. A long and painful process. But we'll get there.

Our life too is getting transformed by the Lord.

writer's block

It was back into the thick of things for me this morning first thing.

Being away, as I was, for a break last week has its merits. But its downside is the coming back.

Not the coming back itself so much as the pile of stuff that's quickly mounted up while I've been away. As in e-mails mainly.

Even my computer was a little bit slow off the mark this morning. It wasn't keen to follow through the 'Send and Receive' command.

Sending, yes (probably because there wasn't much to go out). But receiving - definitely not.

'Error' was the only thing I got.

Which was awkward, since it wasn't long before the phone was ringing. A whole range of people who'd plainly sent me an e-mail and were wondering what my response to their queries were.

(They were too polite to ask why I hadn't responded at all).

Not the most auspicious way to start back in!

However, I tinkered around with the thing, ran a simple 'Repair', checked the account settings, re-booted - all the things like that. A kind of technical version of repentance.

And, yes, I prayed hard. Lord, this is not good. This is not the way I need to be starting back in.

'Repentance' was followed by renewal. The thing started working again.

And the e-mails came flooding in. About 150 of the things.

I know that's barely half of the daily inbox of a lot of folk. But it's not the sort of volume that I'm used to for myself.

In a strange sort of way it felt good, though, I have to say.

It felt, I think, like the end of "writer's block" must feel for those who make their livelihood that way.

Like Andrew Motion, the Poet Laureate, who steps down from his post next year. Gladly. Ten years is more than enough for that sort of writing to order.

Poor man.

He says that having to write poems to mark special royal occasions is a pretty thankless task. "I dried up completely about five years ago," he said a couple of months ago.

That, I think, remains one of my biggest fears. What happens if I simply dry up? If the words just simply won't come? If the messages aren't coming through?

Scary.

Since that's what my work is about.

Words.

Like the Poet Laureate I have to 'write to order'. There are services to lead, messages to preach, Scriptures to teach. What happens if the words won't come? If there's a case of writer's block?

I was pondering that again this afternoon. There's a piece or two I have to write for the upcoming issue of our magazine.

I've known about it for long enough. Thought about it quite a bit. But not with a lot of success!

Writer's block sort of stuff.

So it was head down and at it again this afternoon.

Repentance and prayer once again.

And at last there was something to show for it all. Too much, in fact!

A bit like the e-mails again.

But it's better by far being able to press the 'Delete', and get rid of the excess stuff, than not getting messages coming through at all.

adaptive leadership

Well, it wasn't quite adagio today, but then again there wasn't quite the rush there had been yesterday.

Not quite.

But enough to mean I was back and forward here and there, and sometimes it seemed like pretty much everywhere as well. Seeing different people. Attending to different tasks that needed done.

And bit by bit making progress of a sort I guess.

The other night the person I was with was speaking about what they call adaptive leadership.

And it crossed my mind today again that half of the time (at least) my daily life is pretty much 'adaptive' in the many quick adjustments that I'm having to effect.

Like this afternoon. There's a lady who's not been well for a while and is now along at the Hospice.

I knew she'd have a visit in the morning from another of the leaders here. So I called myself, deliberately, in the afternoon.

Only to find she was nowhere at all to be found. The Hospice staff were unable to trace her at all. Until one of them reported back to me that she'd actually had her family in and take her out. For an hour.

Since that had been at least an hour or so before I'd arrived myself, I said that I would wait. It wouldn't be long before she was back. I presumed.

Forty five minutes later on, there was still no sign of the person!

It could have been so much wasted time, I guess. Or viewed as such.

But that's where adaptive leadership (in a non-technical sense) comes in. Adapt to the situation.

So I'd gone into the little cafe that the Hospice has. Got a cup of tea.

And instead of just twiddling my thumbs - which would have ended up blistered the time I'd have been twiddling away! - I got on with some much needed preparation.

I carry a pocket bible, so that was all ready to hand. And I had a scrap of paper. And a pen.

And the place has always a wonderful sense of tranquility. So it's really very conducive to prayerful reflection and pondering what the Lord's saying.

It worked out well. As it usually does, of course, in the wise and far-seeing providence of the Lord.

It just means that all leadership needs to be adaptive most of the time.

scherzo

Thursdays. Yes, well, they're often like this. As I've said before.

Busy. Full. Fairly non-stop.

If my week is akin to a symphony, Thursdays would be the scherzo.

I think. I'm not that hot on the technical terms in music.

The fast part, anyway. In layman's terms.

I was back and forth to the school three separate times in the morning. An assembly for P4-7, first of all - on the use of the imagination. Then back later on for coffee and chat with the staff. (They had the coffee, I had the chat). And finally, over lunch, back for the SU group.

It makes for a 'bitty' morning. Since the moment I was back from the school, each time, there were people to see and things to be done and then a quick about-turn. And off to the school again.

But it was productive, all right!

The P6 teachers approached me and fixed up a series of four different classes they want me to take on the theme of Jesus' life. I did it last year and enjoyed all those times with the P6 pupils. So I'll look forward to that in the next few weeks once again.

I also popped in to the Primary 5s. By request.

They'd wanted to give me their letters of thanks for the sessions I'd had with them. A whole huge wad of letters, each one written with care. It was really quite humbling!

The contact's always good, of course. And being in and out all the time like that means I'm pretty much part of the scenery there at the school.

And I think it's mainly friendship, fun and the faith that I'm giving to all of the children there.

Certainly that's what the SU group accentuates. It's not really all that long we get - a quick half hour. But it's packed with these three things. And again there were close on twenty children there.

It's the contact that's important, as I say.

There's not that much which anyone really can do - I mean, in terms of prgressing the kingdom of God - if there isn't any contact. That's where it's all got to start.

And there's only so much contact that any of us can have. Like, if I'm at the school, I can't be somewhere else. At least not at the same time.

So that's a choice we make. The chance to have that contact with the pupils at the school we see as being a pretty big priority.

In some ways our whole life here is built around the importance of making contact with the people of the place. Building little bridges into other people's lives.

For God to walk across.

There was some of that at lunch again. With four of the 'pregnant Mums'. Mothers to be attending the ante-natal classes that are run here on our premises - and who meet as well for lunch.

It's good to be bale to stop for a bit and have the chance to chat.

Contact with folk we otherwise wouldn't have seen. Gentle, easy bridges for the meeting of our hearts. It's really very thrilling when you stand back from it all and see just how it works.

Well, how he works, more to the point.

Because this is the Lord. This is the way he works. Always meeting people. Always being with people. Always making contact and engaging other people in their needs.

We were working at this sort of issue at night as well.

Re-thinking the way our pastoral care is expressed. Going back to basics and starting from scratch. And feeling we made some progress.

I found it quite exciting!

Being reminded again of what the whole thing's about. And what God means to do. And how he works. And why it is we all end up involved.

When I finally got away, though, from the meeting tonight at just after ten, I felt for the first time today I was getting to stop. The scherzo had come to a close.

The scherzo's just one of the movements in the symphony living can be.

Thankfully.

I mean it's good-going stuff and I love days like this.

But the music would not be the same if the whole thing went on at this pace.

Bring on a bit of adagio!

faith and works

Faith without works is dead.

We have that on reliable authority. And it means that while God is the one who makes things happen, he likes to involve us as well.

"Let's do it!" he says, with a child-like glint in his eyes. As it were.

He's up for doing the impossible. And he likes to have us involved.

It's a 'family business' after all.

So most of my days are a mix of the two. Faith and works.

There's a time of prayer, of course, each day, at 9.40am. Not long.

But focussed, specific and really wide-ranging in scope. Directed to the resurrecting God for whom nothing is impossible.

We scan some pretty big horizons in this time of prayer.

Because he's a pretty big God. And Acts 9.40-42, to which this time of prayer owes its origin and life, narrates a God who gets people up on their feet again and raises the dead to life.

And Wednesday evenings, too, there's a time of prayer. There aren't that many out again. But it's pretty much a solid hour or so of concentrated prayer.

Looking to God, in all sorts of different situations, and believing him to be the one who makes things happen. Who does the impossible.

But sandwiched between the two times of prayer there's a whole load of 'works' going on.

Like we get our daily marching orders from the Lord first thing, and then hit the road for him. And with him. He's involved in it all himself, of course.

Today that hitting the road included a fair bit of preparation in the morning.

The Wednesday lunchtime service, for instance, doesn't just magically happen. I have to work at that, study the passage, tease out its message and get it all clear in my mind. All before half-past twelve.

We were due as well to have a rep from the firm which supplies us with paper come in. We'll be producing our own Christmas Card this year and we need to work out just what sort of paper's best.

Yes, it's that time of year again. And, no, the guy didn't pitch up.

But it meant that I had some work to do in preparing the card for production. At least in draft. To see how the thing would look on the different sorts of paper we would try.

When the guy came in.

Which, as I say, he didn't.

But that's 'works' again. A simple bit of coloured card can't do that much by itself. But God can do impossible things. He can use such things to touch the hearts and change the lives of people who receive it down the line.

"Let's do it!" he says. And we're up for that! We always are. A joint enterprise.

We get to make the card. He gets to use the card to reach the deepest parts of people's lives.

It's not a bad deal! It makes life exciting, an adventure each day. Anything can happen.

There was more of this 'hitting the road' in the afternoon.

Quite literally.

A trip up town in a 41 bus for a meeting to tackle some issues we're having to face.

Corner of the carpet sort of issues. The sort of thing, in other words, I'm tempted to sweep under the carpet and hope, somehow, it simply goes away.

They don't, of course. Hope, like faith, is pretty much dead in the water without a deal of work.

God sorts things out. Amazingly. Wisely and gently as well.

But there isn't a magic wand.

Just some pretty grubby hands. We have to roll up our sleeves and get on with the things that need to be done to tackle these problems head on.

He sorts them out, like I say. But we've got to work at them, too.

As in a ninety minute meeting way up town.

Hard, demanding, stretching of the mind. But not wasted time at all.

If things are going to happen it will be because of God. If problems are resolved it will be always down to God.

We look to him, trust him, turn to him, pray to him. Daily.

Faith.

But things happen, too, because we're prepared to take the steps that are needed. And do the sheer hard graft.

Works.

Which makes for a long day always.

But more than a little interesting!

I just liked this cartoon from CartoonStock.com!

remember

Remembrance Day.

The secondary school always has a brief act of remembrance on an 11th November school day.

The number of former pupils who served in the two world wars and who lost their lives is a sobering, solemn statistic. And it does these present day pupils no harm to have time to be still and reflect.

In fact, it does none of us any harm to have such times!

It's always a good and moving occasion and today was no exception.

I give them the reading from Scripture and I close the thing in prayer. It's not a lengthy occasion. And we try and keep it simple.

Remembrance. The past serves to shape the present. As the present shapes the future.

It's as well to reflect on that.

And I guess that's why the Lord himself exhorts us in the Scriptures to ... well, remember.

To remember who and what we were. To remember what he's done for us. And to remember what he's promised us.

It's easy to lose our sense of perspective. To forget some pretty basic realities about our world.

Like, it belongs to him and is loved by him. Like, he knows the smallest details of our lives and cares for us. Like, there isn't any problem that he's not well able to resolve. Like, he's always hard at work, intent on wonderful things.

And includes us in his purposes, so that we get to share in what he's doing. His co-workers.

I was out to see folk this afternoon.

I don't really visit 'routinely'. As in visiting just for the sake of visiting. Kind of ticking the box of things a minister does.

That isn't me at all. And I don't really think it's the Lord either.

Where do you want me to go and to be, Lord?

That's the sort of question that I'm asking day by day.

I had this sense for the afternoon that I was meant to call on some folk in a certain part of the community. The first door I tried there was no-one there.

Which narrowed it down a bit. I figured the Lord meant me elsewhere and I knew where that would be. I was glad I'd gone.

And as I left that house, I bumped into a neighbour who was out to walk the dog. This neighbour was bereaved a few months back, so I joined him on his walk.

And I began to think that maybe it was really him the Lord had all along been meaning me to see. Kind of touching base with him again. Not in the formal setting of his home, but out on the street, relaxed and walking his dog.

It's a life of continual surprises, this living 'by faith' and learning to heed his direction. I never quite know just where it's going to lead or whom I'm going to meet.

The same was true at night.

Two separate sets of circumstances through the day had laid upon my heart the clear and settled conviction that I should be off out to Kirkliston once again. There were folk to be seen.

I wasn't sure quite why, of course. But I went.

And sure enough, when I called at the home of the couple I thought I should see, their welcome was with open arms.

I mean, it always is. They're a lovely, warm, hospitable couple, who'd make anyone feel at home. So it's always a pleasure to call on them. And there's always a sense of the presence of God himself.

There were questions they wanted to ask, though, tonight. And I think, had I not called by, they'd have actually been in touch with me themselves.

It was like the Lord himself again just brought about this time we shared together.

The man had just got back from an Alpha weekend away. Where they'd been thinking about the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

I think it's this sort of thing the Spirit often does. Causing our paths to cross as they did tonight. Laying upon their hearts and my own the need to meet. And then bringing it all about.

It was great! I could easily have been there all night it was just that good and there was just that much to share.

Remember how he told you ..."He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you."

Remember.

Too often and too easily we forget that this is what he's promised. Day by day he goes ahead of us. And as we go, wherever it is that he directs us by his Spirit, there we get to see him.

That's what today and tonight has been like!

the horse whisperer

It's quite a while since I read the book "The Horse Whisperer".

But it came to mind today in the context of people I was seeing. It occurred to me that much of what I do has its parallels in that narrative.

OK, the book's about a horse. Well, a horse and a girl. And her mother. And I'm not really a 'horsey' sort of guy at all.

But in a way it's not so much about a horse as about a 'healing' that takes place. A horse being restored to the sort of life it was made for. A girl being enabled to do what she does best and what she's always yearned to do, but now is struggling to do.

Which is not a million miles from the nature of the ministry to which I'm called. To which, indeed, as followers of Jesus, we're all called.

This is what he does.

The whisperer. Whispering his gentle healing into the very depths nof our souls. Restoring, renewing our broken lives and making us whole again.

Enabling us to be the people God made us to be.

The horse, like the girl, was traumatised. The scars on the outside were mirrored by scars deeper down in the depths of the horse and the girl.

The unseen scars which stunted any growth and paralysed with fear.

Much of my time is spent with people like that. Perhaps not quite as dramatic always. But in essence just like that.

The 'horse whisperer' needed to learn, to understand the story of the trauma of the horse. He needed to get inside the horse's inner psyche, as it were, and understand the pain the horse had known.

You have to learn to listen if you're going to be a 'whisperer'.

So a lot of the time I'm simply trying to listen. And slowly, very carefully to get behind the layers of screens there are in people's lives and understand the 'traumas' that there have been.

I'm trying to listen to the subtext in the things that people say - and in the things they do not say as well. And I'm trying to listen, too, to what the Lord himself is 'whispering' through this.

It can be long and slow and hard.

Like it was tonight.

But I think there was a corner turned tonight. And seeing some folk being marvelously restored to who and what God purposed they should be, beyond their wildest dreams, is a very humbling privilege and a miracle of grace.

In a way, my whole day has been 'horse whispering' stuff. Not in an up-front, high profile way. Not in an overtly 'pastoral' sort of way.

But there are things going on in the life of God's people here and I'm trying to suss out what's going on. Trying to get behind the scenes, to reach into the murky depths of what the story really is about.

And starting to do the 'whispering'. Not just the patient 'listening', but the tentative steps which 'whispering' always involves. Starting to work on the issues there are.

And looking to God to be working the whole thing out. Resolving the issues. Restoring his people.

And refusing to settle for second best and accepting there's no way back.

Today that involved a fair amount of e-mail correspondence and a good few telephone calls. It involved as well a meeting with some folk who've been quite integral to all that's going on.

Off-site. Relaxed. Supportive and instructive.

Where we all, I suppose, were being helped, and maybe, too, more than a little healed, by our wonderful 'whispering' God, who loves to do far more than what we ask or dare to think.

Like the horse and the girl in the story, we shall rise and ride again.

beyond what we think

The way the Lord works is amazing!

He's always a step ahead of the rest of us.

And, as one of the early followers of Jesus figured out, he's always intent on doing a whole load more than all that we could ask or even dare to think.

Which is saying quite a bit.

Today was another good example.

These days my day begins with the setting up of the halls. Shifting tables, moving chairs, sweeping floors. Ensuring the place is presentable. And ensuring they're ready for all the folk who'll be in.

It's sort of therapeutic stuff. Sort of.

Most days it takes me maybe half an hour or so. Sometimes less.

Today, though, when I went into the hall it seemed to me that the floor was needing a good-going wash. Wednesdays sometimes leave it like that.

So I washed the floor. You see a job that's needing done. You do it.

There are certain core values we try to express. Service, sacrifice, and excellence.

Right across the board. In all we do.

We like our halls to look good. To be good, for the people who use them all.

Later today, entirely unexpectedly, a couple came in from a different organisation. To see about using our halls.

They work with folk in the community. And they were absolutely overwhelmed by what they saw.

The service. The sacrifice. And the excellence.

It kind of turned their whole perspective on the world quite upside down.

And made me pretty glad I'd taken the trouble to wash the floor!

A little thing. But in the hands of God, something that makes a whole world of difference.

Amazing really.

I didn't meet this couple myself. I only really heard about it afterwards. Almost by chance.

Most of the time it's like that. We don't get to see the full picture.

So we don't really see how all the small bits, which we think are insignificant, are actually part of a whole. A huge, amazing picture which the Lord is painting out across the canvas of our history.

My times along at the school today were really just 'little bits'.

I went along to the P1-3 assembly again at 10am. Only to find the assembly had been cancelled. And instead they were having a 'hymn practice'. I stayed to say 'Hello' and not much else. And that was it.

The SU group later on was much the same. Most of the children who usually come (there have been 20 these last two times) - they were away today on an outing.

So there were only four.

It would be easy to feel dispirited. To think nothing was going on.

But no. God uses the small, insignificant things in ways we can't understand.

And does far more with them than we ever could dare to think.

At least, that's what I learn to trust him to do. I don't have to see the full picture.

I was seeing folk again at night. And I was struck again how bold and how big is the Lord in the dealings he has with us.

How he's intent on releasing his healing grace into parts of our lives that we thought were beyond all healing.

Parts that we bury away. Deep, deep down in the caverns of our hearts. Then lock the door. And throw away the key.

That sort of burying away.

But it's a poison. And it needs to be healed.

And the Lord in his wisdom and goodness slowly draws these bits of 'shrapnel' to the surface of our lives, because he means to heal.

It's been a painful, trying experience over many, many weeks for a person I saw tonight. But the 'shrapnel' has come to the surface and I know it's the work of the Lord.

He means to do the impossible and heal a part of this person's life that the person has thought was beyond all hope of redemption. A running, festering sore that somehow had to be lived with. And like so much emotional radio-active waste was buried deep, deep down within the person's life.

The Lord has waited a long, long time in this person's life.

Until three vital sets of circumstances have all been set in place. Because only then can such healing take place.

He knows what he's doing, all right. And it's a very humbling, genuinely awe-inspiring thing that's going on.

And tonight there was more progress yet again. The shrapnel's about to be removed.

The next bit's far from easy. But the confidence I have is rooted in the knowledge that it was the Lord himself who drew this to the surface.

Not me. Not the person involved. Just the Lord, pure and simple.

He started the process of healing. And he'll finish the work himself. He always does.

Like I said at the start, it's amazing the way the Lord works.

Way, way, way beyond what we could ever ask or dare to think.

And it sometimes quite moves me to tears to see the way he gently, wisely, always very purposefully works in people's lives to bring about a healing and a wholeness that they never dreamed was possible.

bearing fruit

The lunch-time service marks the mid-point in the week.

It's good to be able to stop and to join with other people for a half hour act of worship.

A chance to pause amidst the countless different tasks there are to do and be still in the presence of God. Allowing him to speak to our hearts again.

We need that always. All of us.

There weren't so many there today. There's a fair amount of illness and a good few folk in hospital as well. Health, as well as life itself, is a pretty fragile thing.

I had some preparing to do, of course, before conducting the service. Though that was a little bit stop and start. The jobs around the halls to be done. People coming in and out. Appointments that I had. And others that just sort of 'happened'.

But the chance to reflect on the word of God is always a boon. A breath of fresh air in the face of all else that's going on.

We were thinking of how God's blessing was resting on Joseph. Despite his circumstances. The poor guy being stuck in a foreign land as a slave, and all that.

Our circumstances are often hard. Not what we'd choose. And frustrating so often as well.

But the blessing of God is always set over against all that. It's not about material prosperity at all. The man on whom the blessing of God has rested most fully of all - well, he ended up on a cross. With nothing to his name.

Which is hardly material prosperity.

Things went well for others on account of Joseph being there in Egypt. As a slave.

That's what the blessing of God entails. And I found it quite striking as we thought on that again.

God's blessing makes us fruitful. That's how it was from the start.

And Joseph was certainly 'fruitful'. Full of the fruit of the Spirit.

At least, it seems that that was the case.

He could have been resentful. But instead, he just got on with life. He rose above resentment. And he evidenced a different sort of spirit from what Potiphar (his boss) had ever known.

The Spirit of God.

I was challenged by that today. It's too easy to simply succumb to feelings of lingering resentment.

Here was a guy who rose above all that. And ... well, see what happened!

A lot of the time that's what I'm having to do. Rise above things.

In the sense, not least, of getting a better perspective. Seeing the overview.

And a fair bit of time today has been spent in doing just that. In one way and another.

The meetings that I've had with different folk have mainly been along those lines today. Pre-arranged meetings, some of them, with other leaders here. To try and think strategically.

And some more random meetings, too. Like the lady I met at the shop, late afternoon. She's a member here and I've known her for years - since the days we both were students in fact.

She was telling me how her afternoon had been spent with an elderly lady. Three hours in all, which was not what she'd planned at all. And left her rushed and hassled in its aftermath.

But it's people that matter, I said. And the time that is spent with people is always the critical thing.

That's the kind of 'overview' we sometimes need. Getting things in perspective.

Who knows just what those three long hours this afternoon will have meant to the elderly lady. Maybe the world.

And then there was prayer at night. That's always good. The prayer just flows. And it's like the Lord himself is physically there. Directing the 'conversation' which our praying effectively is.

It's not in any sense a 'shopping list'. It's more a time that's spent with him. Listening to him and learning from him the things which are lying on his heart.

Getting things in perspective. Seeing things afresh.

Which is what Joseph, of course, had to do.

And that's how I see things here.

There's a work of God going on. But I'm beginning to think it's bigger by far than what I had imagined.

And that's probably the reason why the way it all works out is often not the sort of situation we'd envisaged or desired.

complimentary gift

A 'complimentary gift' arrived through the post for me today.

It was big (15"x10" at least I'd have thought) and heavy (10 or 11 lbs).

And somewhat unexpected.

The only package I've been expecting is a collar that I've ordered. As in a clerical collar.

The one that I use has split up the middle and is in urgent need of replacement. It won't last another outing. It's done for completely.

So I'd rung up the shop here in Edinburgh where I've got this sort of thing before.

"No, we don't stock clerical collars any longer," came the quick reply.

"In fact," the guy went helpfully on, "there aren't any places in Scotland you'll get one now."

Which slightly took me aback. Presumably there isn't sufficient demand. A sobering thought.

"But I think there's a place in Exeter," he added.

I don't think he was joking. I think he was trying to be helpful. It was Monday I'd rung and he maybe thought it was my day off and a little trip to the other end of the United Kingdom would be just the thing I needed.

Sort of getting away from it all. To get a clerical collar.

I'd taken the shortcut to Exeter. The internet.

So that's been all I've been expecting (though today would have been rather quick).

This package, however, given its substantial dimensions and weight, didn't exactly feel like it was a collar. And I hadn't got the impression from the internet ordering I'd done that it would come as a 'complimentary gift'.

It was a book. A rather large book, obviously. And quite an expensive one as well. I'd have thought.

There wasn't a note of the price, but the quality of production suggested the top end of the price range sort of thing. I mean very expensive.

No warning. No name. No reason.

Nothing.

Just the huge big letters all across the front. 'Complimentary Gift'.

It's a book about 'creation'. As opposed to 'evolution'. And it's written from the standpoint of the Q'ran. By a man who plainly believes passionately in what he writes.

It came with two discs. Which I'm always a little bit wary about. The story of the Trojan Horse immediately came to mind, I have to say.

But what do you do with a gift like that?

Randomly coming my way, with no reason why and no note of who was the sender.

It's difficult knowing just what to do with that.

Because it's a little bit different from the 'complimentary gift' which the Bible's all about.

God's gift to us of Jesus.

That's different. You know who the gift is from. And he tells us why he's given us this gift. And what we're meant to do.

And as I was thinking about such gifts today it seemed to me that knowing these things (who it's from, why it's given and what we're meant to do with it) - knowing these things is part of the gift itself.

So I tried this theory out on other 'gifts'.

Because my life is built on the basis of 'gift'.

I give my time and energy to all that goes on here.

Shifting tables and chairs and all sorts of manual stuff at the start of the day. At least at present.

Making the soup.

That's all 'gift', I guess. But folk know who the giver is and they know why it's given and what they're meant to do with it.

I give my mind to study. There was a fair bit of that this morning.

But it's clear why I do it. I want to give the people understanding and that means I have to study pretty hard.

Especially when, this coming Sunday evening, it's the prospect of the risen Jesus returning to this earth that I'm explaining to the folk.

I have to work at that. This prospect is part of the gift God gives. And I have to explain just what it is that we should therefore do. The difference that this makes to all our lives.

I have to give a lot of time and thought to that. It's not the easiest thing to explain. And it's not the most familiar sort of truth in people's minds.

There was work to be done on our Christmas Card. We send a card to every home in the community and I've been doing some work on preparing the card fro production.

A little gift. But again, people know who it's from. And they know why it's given. And they know what their choices are when it comes to what they do with this gift.

In the afternoon I was along at a neighbouring church to give blood.

Another gift.

The gift of blood is really the gift of life in many ways. It's clear to all why it's given. And the records that the Blood Transfusion Service keep ensure they know who it's from.

They can check when I last gave blood. Which is why they gave me a badge today. To celebrate my 25th gift of blood.

'Gift' is the basis of life.

A mother gives of herself to suckle her child. Parents give of themselves - their time, their strength, their cash, their love - to let their children live.

My living is built on the basis of 'gift'.

But we need to know who is the giver: and we need to know why it's been given: and we need to have some sort of notion of just how we're meant to respond.

I eventually cheated. I googled the book and its title.

I found my experience was not unique.

Here's a guy from Oregon -

I received volume 3 of Atlas of Creation for free, unrequested, from the "Truth Research Foundation" Long Island City, NY. The box had a label stating "Complimentary Gift". I would love to know if anyone has any idea who is sending this and why? It weighs 10 lbs, and looks expensive. I gave it two stars for attractive presentation, but do not plan on reading it fully.

Pretty much my sentiments too. Except he got more information than I did.

For free. Great. Unrequested. Great.

But, yes - I would love to know who is sending this and why.

That's always part of the gift.