best laid plans

I was really just kidding when I spoke about the Flanders and Swan song called "The Gas man cometh".

But there's maybe a bit more truth in the thing than I thought.

Here's the story. So far. I think I probably have to add that bit!

My car was due for its M.O.T. And on top of that there were a couple of problems I'd noticed which needed picking up.

Problem one. The driver's side headlight was gone. A simple matter of changing the bulb. Relatively easy to fix. You'd have thought.

Er, no. This will cost you a bit, I'm afraid, sir.

Excuse me?

Yes, I'm afraid we have to remove the bumper.

I'm already beginning to lose the plot.

I'm sorry, I'm not quite getting just why you have to remove the front bumper to change a single bulb.

It's a safety feature, sir.

It's starting to feel like the only thing that this is going to keep safe is a steady source of income. For the garage.

I mean it's a bit like designing a house in such a way that yhou have to dismantle the roof when one of your light bulb goes.

The guy on the end of the phone agreed.

Not the cleverest design feature, sir. But it gets the car the highest safety rating it can get.

I still don't see the connection, but I'm getting the poiunt. If I want the bulb replaced, I'll need the bumper off. And without that replacement being made, well, it won't pass its M.O.T.

I don't have much of an option.

And I'm jokingly starting to say to myself that I bet their removing the bumper will mean that it needs a re-spray. 'The Gas man cometh' sort of thing.

Well, be thankful for small mercies, I suppose. There's no such need for the bumper to be re-sprayed.

But that was just a 'loosener'.

Problem number two had a whole load more of a journey in its wake.

The electrics for the driver's side window had gone. The window was stuck.

No problem, I'm told. It's likely to be the regulator. And that (he looks up his book) ... yes, that will be under warranty. You're in luck, sir.

It doesn't really feel it, I'm afraid. A sense of foreboding has already crept over my soul.

So off they go to fix it.

That was Tuesday. They'll need to order the part, of course, but it should be fixed by tomorrow.

It was. This was yesterday.

The part had come in and they fixed it all up. Except ...

Yes, well, we've found that the part that they'd ordered is faulty itself. We'll have to get another part. And that will be tomorrow.

A line from Shakespeare's MacBeth is coming to mind.

'Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...'.

But I say nothing. I'm an optimist at heart.

The garage is wholly apologetic.

Our fault, sir. So we'll give you a courtesy car meanwhile.

How kind, I say. And I mean it. They're good folk really, I know. These things sometimes happen.

Just bring in your driving licence and your insurance documents.

If you read yesterday's post you'll know that I did.

They rang the insurance company and got it all fixed up. The garage require the cover is fully comprehenisve for a courtesy car. And my insurance policy only covers me 'Third Party' for driving another car.

So they make all the alterations. And it all seems fine. Fully comprehensive cover for the courtesy car.

And I'm 'mobile' again.

They're in touch again today.

I've good news and bad news, sir.

I've heard these jokes before - but I'm fearful my choice will be either to laugh or to cry.

The good news is your window's fixed and everything's working fine.

The bad news is that the car's been bumped while in our car park, and the wing mirror now needs fixed.

It could have been worse I suppose.

They're very gracious again, of course.

Our fault entirely, sir. So we'll let you keep the courtesy car meanwhile until the car is fixed.

Tomorrow? I ask. More in hope than with any wholesale confidence.

Probably Monday at least, I'm told.

But keep the courtesy car meanwhile. They're generous to the last.

Oh, and by the way, you'll need to contact your insurance company again to extend the cover for the courtesy car.

I'll do that right away, I say.

And I do.

Except ...

Yes. You didn't think the whole thing would just finish there did you?

I ring the insurance company. It's a girl called Vanessa I speak to.

Pleasant, as doubtless they're trained to be.

Why, yes, we can easily extend the insurance for you. 'Til Monday at 5pm? No problem, sir.

The end, I'm thinking, is nigh. In a positive sense.

But it's about to turn just a shade negative.

Now that'll be an extra £57.75 we'll have to ask you to pay. Will that be by Visa, sir?

Pardon me?

Is it Visa you'll be using, sir?

No, no, I say. Wind it back a frame. I've got to pay?

£57.75, sir.

And if I don't?

Well, you can't drive the car, I'm afraid, sir. You won't be covered to drive it.

So I find myself now in this crazy world where I'm paying the insurance company some fifty pounds and more for the privilege of driving a courtesy car which the garage have kindly loaned me while they fix the mess that they have caused when I put the car in for a simple M.O.T.

And I'm thinking madly, surely the insurers should pay for this? And I remember now it's the insurers who're on the phone and asking me for the money. And I'm thinking, please let me off this crazy world!

The gas man would have been cheaper. I'm sure.

And I'm left to think it's probably something like this which explains why the whole economy's got itself into such a mess.

And why we've got so many real environmental problems at our door.

The more you try to fix the thing the worse it gets.

Serving as a pastor makes you very aware of that. Sometimes it's hard to tell just where on earth you start in terms of trying to fix the mess.

Most of my life is spent in fact with people. People where things are not going right. Where bits have got broken and parts have worn out and ... well, there are problems.

And often it's got complicated, too. One thing's led to another, and the whole thing ends in a knot.

So today, like most days, has been largely spent with people.

I hadn't planned it that way. I'd meant to get some preparation done. Sunday's looming large.

But it didn't work out quite like that at all. A couple of times across at the school. And a couple of folk I hadn't expected to see, who came in and with whom there was a welcome chance to chat.

It was a good day! A great day, indeed. Don't get me wrong.

And there's loads more to say that would fill you in and help you see just why it was so good.

But it didn't turn out quite the way that I'd intended.

The best laid plans ... and all that.